Can You Be Against Gay Marriage but For Gay People?


Vitruvian Man, by Leonardo da Vinci

I’ve long considered the person who struggles with same-sex attraction as a kindred spirit to any faith-filled person wrestling with the human condition–as long as there is, in fact, a struggle. Gay friends who trust in a bigger vision for their life are people of authenticity and courage.

So, please don’t do for me what is being done for gay people more broadly across America today.

Even though I sometimes would want you to, just don’t.

Don’t what? 

Don’t think I’m beyond the need for God’s grace.

Affirm me just as I am, but don’t think I’m satisfied staying that way. My motives, cravings, and ambitions are far too intertwined with me, myself, and I. Inspire me with a vision of God’s love that grows more sublime as I embrace the depth and complexity of my need. Validation alone will not feed my soul. I need to be transformed, not just affirmed.

Don’t think I’m beyond the reach of God’s grace.

Accept me just as I am, but with a vision for what I could be. I need faith with power, not just meaning.  Bright hope for tomorrow needs to connect with me as strength for today. Inspire me with a vision of eternity that runs under my feet–call me to a life that transcends my circumstances–to the God who can find me and reach me all the way down to the valley of the shadow of death.

Don’t trust me to order love as I see fit.

Just take my word for it. Part of me would order love completely around myself as the center of the universe. Oh I’d tell you I can handle that kind of regard and power directed by my will alone. I’ll assure you I won’t abuse it. But don’t believe it.  For my own sake, don’t.  I want what I want when I want it. So please, hold me accountable to an authority and a will higher than my own. I would make myself the measure of all things. But with desire as my only compass, I’m prone to wander.  As Mae West put it:  “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” Please don’t abandon me to the lonely paths of unguided desire.

Don’t single me out as a victim.

Life deals all of us some hard blows. When you feel sorry for me, I do find it easier to get my way. But in the long run, it comes at the cost of what I really need–to be treated with respect, not with charity in the guise of social campaign. Dividing group against group to leverage power to the underdog continues the trend of labels and pity. Don’t single me out and group me. Address whatever wrong-doing diminishes us all.

Don’t reduce me to my sexual orientation.

I’m far more than my attractions. Please don’t equate my identity with them. I’m created in the image and nature of God, but I don’t always want what affirms that dignity, or what is good for me.  I need you to have expectations of me, that my desires will be guided by design. When you support my broken desires apart from design, you send a tacit message that there is no Designer. Treat me as a soul whose identity transcends passion.

“[God’s] invisible attributes…have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.”  Rom. 1:20