I’d like you to think of someone who really gets under your skin. You know what they really are. You have mounds of evidence stacked against them. How could you ever view them differently? Hold that thought. Let’s compare.

In the movie The Sixth Sense (spoiler alert) the central character, played by Bruce Willis, is portrayed in a certain light: alive. In the end, it is revealed he actually died in the opening scene. The final moments quickly flash back scene by scene to show what was really going on. He had been present in spirit, not in body, unaware he had died. What seemed like a conversation between him and his wife, for instance, was actually his wife talking to herself, missing him. One assumption affected the entire story. (more…)

Attitude:   A readiness to respond in a certain way. If that’s the case, then a good attitude makes us ready to respond well. Surveys of what we appreciate most about other people put attitude at the top of the list. What can give you a readiness to respond well?

Answer: High “EQ.” Maybe you know your I.Q.  What’s your Emotional Intelligence?

In their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, authors, Bradberry and Greaves present tools to improve how you manage yourself and your social influence. Hopeful news for a parent of teens like me.  That’s right. My attitude needs help…

This book proves how high EQ prevails over higher I.Q. 70% of the time. Here are three poisons which may be affecting your EQ:

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If someone you care about has not seen the video above, send it to him.  It is based upon a TEDS talk called “The Great Porn Experiment.” The facts outlined here should deter porn users the way Fatal Attraction spooked many men out of having an affair–for a little while at least. In this case, the warning is based on fact, not fiction. (And no pet rabbits where harmed in the making of this film.) Continue reading to see a few of the main points in bullet form:    (more…)

I asked David Swanson why he wrote his new book, Learning to be You.  Here’s the problem he addresses:

Some of us spend our whole lives trying to figure out who we are. But if we are followers and disciples of Christ, our identity is already decided. What we need to learn is how to understand it, embrace it, and let it lead us to a life of conviction and courage.

Below is a teaser from the book.

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After a huge compliment regarding her family, the response got my attention. “I’m not writing the book yet” she said.  This humble statement came from a woman admired for her wisdom in parenting. Even as a grandparent she understood–the job of a parent never ceases.

As a father of triplet teenagers, I’m not handing out much parenting advice yet either. I can tell you what’s made a difference for my wife and me so far. We don’t always enjoy parenting, but we do enjoy our children.

When our “Trips” were babies and we took them out in public, all kinds of parents approached us. We knew from their reaction to our train-car-baby-carriage whether or not they were having a good experience as parents. It was never neutral.

Expectations help. We expect to enjoy them amidst the fray, and, we expect there to be a fray. Parenting has no guaranteed outcomes, but I think everyone can come to enjoy it more by learning two rules every good referee knows.

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I think the best comedians don’t tell jokes–they make observations about every day moments. They peek in your kitchen window and then tell the story of what they saw. Here’s a great routine by Brian Regan to give your day a boost.

“Humor is the good natured side of a truth.”  - Mark Twain

Have you seen the “Real Beauty” video? It shows women viewing two  sketches of themselves by the same forensic artist, side by side. One is drawn from their own description of themselves and one from the description of someone they’d just met. Pictures drawn from the testimony of strangers, in each case, are far more complimentary. This exercise is eye-opening and heart-rending.

My question: THEN WHAT? How do people mend the images of themselves they hold onto? The answer may be different from what you’d expect.

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A science museum near Atlanta is set-up for school children, but apparently not for their grand sense of awe. After my son’s recent trip, he wondered why a question from a classmate was ignored. Their guide had been explaining the origin of the solar system, saying, “…then the sun made itself into a firey ball of gas.” One boy raised his hand and asked, “How did the sun make itself?” The guide dropped the rule about “No bad questions” and politely indicated they weren’t going there.

At this point in the story, I’m picturing this host as Willy Wonka on his tour of the Chocolate Factory. Wonka, annoyed by the kids’ curiosity says, “I’m a trifle deaf in this ear. Speak a little louder next time.”  [Cue the Oompa Loompas.]   (more…)

It’s never fun to share in a difficult moment, but we sure appreciate when someone else shows up for us. Everyone should know how to step in without taking over.

Joseph Baly in his book, The Last Thing we Talk About, gives some insight about the right approach.  He contrasts his experience with two friends who dropped by after his child died.

“I was sitting, torn by grief.  Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave.  He talked constantly; he said things I knew were true. But I was unmoved, except to wish he would go away.  He finally did.  Another friend came and sat beside me.  He didn’t talk.  He didn’t ask leading questions.  He just sat beside me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, and left.  I was moved.  I was comforted.  I hated to see him go.”

5 things to remember when responding to someone who’s hurting:     (more…)

I once heard someone say, “C.S. Lewis sure does a lot of people’s heavy lifting.” Yes, and for good reason. It’s difficult to say it better. The video below about Lewis’s life sums-up the goal this blog. Faith, intellectual honesty, and imaginative freedom are made for each other. (Understatement)  

The following video is an outstanding overview of Lewis’s life and contribution.

Here is what Lewis says in, The Weight of Glory:

“Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps I am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking enchantments as well as for inducing them. And you and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness which has been laid upon us for nearly a hundred years. Almost our whole education has been directed to silencing this shy, persistent, inner voice.”